Nipples

Nipples. Nipples are sexy. Most of the time. Since the little tidbit today is going to be quite ugly I will give you a mini treat before hand because things are going to get somewhat blinding.

At work there seems to be some sort of Dracula living among us because it is fucking cold. It’s so cold your nipples will cut glass. My fingers are currently blue and I have numerous typos when I type. The temperature outside is a balmy 25 degrees and in here it’s more like 18. 18 degrees is a temperature I maintain in my fridge. 18 degrees is the fucking temperature I enjoy my ice cream at. Now I am exaggerating, I just dislike the cold. If I were rich I would hibernate in Cancun for the winter. Hell I would just live there all year ‘round.

Now back at work its cold…now I know what you are thinking “what about winter it must quite pleasant in there”……….and I will say “You are a retard because If you knew me, you would know this place of business is a virtual solarium with lots and lots of windows and poor insulation, so in the winter its even worse.” I think there was also some instances of employees getting treated for hypothermia.

Back to the nipples. They are nice, but in a business environment that is filled with rejects from clown college/American express CSR’s its not quite classy. Picture dimply women that look like they got beaten by the ugly stick upon breaking through their momma’s hymen. If it were on a hot woman I wouldn’t have squat to talk about. But these are family women, businesswomen, they aren’t clubbers, or drinkers, or pot smokers (at least I don’t think so.) These are women who have had children and are at least 30 and over. These women may be tight on a budget, but not so much they can’t buy a lined bra from Wal-mart.

The young women here at this establishment are sensible. They wear lined bras but for some reason their clothes are borderline skanky. I suppose it’s a choice between the lesser of two evils.
You may now think I see nipples as evil, or think I am the Monica Lewinsky of tight slutty clothes. I am not. I am reserved, and wear lined bra’s…not from Wal-mart; but Calvin Klein--- top notch sling-shot booby holders, highly recommended if you got 45 bucks to burn (or 85 if you want the matching underwear)

Now since I am lucky that they are wearing a bra at all, we could go on about how some nipples look like potholes, erasers, googly eyes, pancakes or pizza’s but I wont. I mean they are wearing bras so I can’t get a detailed look at these nips.

So if you know who I am, and I am not looking at your face when we cross paths in the hall, I am probably looking at your nipples and giving them a rating of a scale from 1 to 5.

It was mentioned that we should have stickers given out to these women in order to keep the nipple problem under control. Imagine, a fluorescent yellow sticker on a women’s breast….It would cause more commotion than just secretly rating them (that slut over there is a 2 because they are drooping round her waist) They would stick out so much that we would have newborns knocking down the doors and beating the shit out of security with kung-fu kicks to get to these yummy yummy nipples.