Ivory

I think it's growing more apparent, that I spend my life in the car:

Daughter: "Mommy, what do elephants do to you?"

Me: "If you leave them alone, nothing"

Daughter: "What about their big giant teeth?"

Me: "Those are tusks, kind of like a horn, and they can hurt you if you bug an elephant."

Daughter: "What are inside tusks, mommy?"

Me: "It's something called ivory."

Daughter: "What's Ivory?"

Me: "It's a hard sub......"

Husband: "It's soap."

Me: "................"

Daughter: "Soap for a bath?"

Me: "Well....... Jessica Simpson...... I understand you don't eat buffalo wings because you don't eat buffalo.... hahahaha but you really can't think that Ivory Soap comes from elephants."

Daughter: "What do you do with Ivory?"

Me: "It's a hard substance that is used to make things like piano keys, and little knick knacks and stuff."

Disclaimer: To be fair, I was staring at the back of my husbands head, so it was hard to tell if he was joking or not.

Penis

On a drive home one day:

"My friends name is Aiden"
"I know it is sweety"
"And he's a boy"
"I know he's a boy"
"You know why he's a boy mommy, because he has a penis"
"uh......Is that right...."
"It's called a pee-nis because he pees from it"

"Mommy"
"Yes"
"When daddy got married to you, did his penis turn into a vagina?"

The correct answer is no, but most married male adults would say yes.