Toilet Paper War

It was just recently that I ventured out into the world again sans baby and saw a show. Nothing overly spectacular to most, but just to a comedy club. There was lots of swears which is one of my favourite past-times, but there was also talk on plungers and toilet paper. The comedian described arguments over how the toilet paper should be hung. This got my memory kicking into gear.

A little over a year ago I was living with the in-laws waiting for our new house to be built. Every morning I would wake up to find that the roll of toilet paper was rotated in such a way that the paper would come out from the bottom. Now as shocking as this may seem I normally don't just wake up with a smile, do some jumping jacks and twirl myself into the bathroom, singing showtunes. On most days I trudge myself through the hallway and blindly fumble for the door and lightswitch. I would plunk myself onto the crapper and claw aimlessly for the paper. Then claw some more. Then paw at the roll to make a few rotations hoping that the paper would let go of it's brothers and sisters and fall to the ground. Then I would sigh realizing that the roll had magically flipped over in the middle of the night.

Technically I am hearing the groans of a million internet readers of what a tool I am. But hear this first. Your palms naturally face towards the ground, so when you reach for something, you naturally reach for it and move in a downwards fashion and if any thumb manipulation is needed it's right there in prime position waiting to be beckoned. HOWEVER, if you reach for something so that the palm faces upwards your thumb becomes useless. It just kinda waggles out to the side having some kind of spastic seizure. Sometimes it can't even wiggle in a spastic seizure state at all. It's more comparable to the last few pumps of blood that go into the umbilical cord of a still born baby (now the gasps from a million internet readers)

So back to the crapper, where was I....... oh yes, I would sigh, and then flip the toilet paper back to it's correct state. I did this for two years, but never said a word. I still kinda wonder who was actually at a secret flipping toilet paper war with me, I know it wasn't the T.P. Flipper Fairy because we all know they only work in Mexico.