Black Widow Drugs

Quite often after my jaunt to the gym, I find myself driving home alone. This drive is long (my standards of long) about a good 20 minutes. Now that it's dark when I drive home it's kind of strange. What's even stranger is when a main artery such as this road is deserted, it's almost creepy. Enter stage right, Gravitydrops imagination.

As a child, about 12 or so, Me, my brother, and father would rent great cult classic zombie movies. Good times, with lot's of popcorn. One movie that would stick with me would be Dawn of the Dead. It would be great fantisizing material. I would own an entire shopping mall. I would spend my days eating candy, trying on clothes, and shooting zombies from my rooftop. This pattern of thought hasn't changed much in the past 13 years.

Now there I am, about 9 pm, driving down this major artery with no other cars. I turn up the radio loud enough for vibrations to be registered a mild 3 on the richter scale. I had it turned up loud enough for the vibrations to kick start a stopped heart. Maybe even a zombie heart.

It's great, listening to Friday night music, no traffic, drunks walking in the middle of the road, not a worry in the world. Wait, reverse train of thought, oh there is a person in the middle of the road, maybe I should swerve around him...... ok. I look in my rearview, he's still standing, so I didn't hit him. I have to pay attention and stop singing/screaming at the radio. I turn the music down a notch. I keep driving, as per usual. Buildings pass by as a blur, traffic lights are green down my alley. This is fan-fucking-tastic. No hiccups in sight.... I see a movement in the middle of the road, again. Two movements, A club must have opened up or something, because there's more people walking in the middle of the road. I slow down, and give them the evil eyes. I pout my mouth into tantrum mode. These morons are totally unresponsive. Maybe it's not drunks, maybe it's not a new club. It's a new drug.
As I am about to speed off away from these dingbats one of them grabs my car handle and the door pops open. What the fuck......................... I push on the gas. My Honda climbs from 2 miles an hour to 5. Fucking Hondas. One of the druggies fingers hooks inside my mouth, ewwwww. Dirty crusty stoner fingers. The taste was something like metal and gritty dirt. My car finally starts speeding up to a slow jog, and the druggies lose grip of my car and mouth. Let those wierdo's eat my dust, well not dust but at least let them stare at my car treads in the ground.

Now this was probably the strangest day of my last two years. Two years ago I had an altercation with a stoner at 3 pm on a subway, also strange. Actually it was more disturbing than strange, but forget that, this is now. And I almost got hijacked or raped or injected with a massive amount of liquid stoner drug, who the fuck knows. It was wierd shit.

I try and slow my racing heart. I still taste stoner fingers in my mouth. I was worried I contracted some crazy disease. He probably had his fingers poked in every crevice known and unknown to mankind. I lock my car door....... and keep driving, checking my rearview mirror. I could go to the police but the guy was either a bum, and had a long list of violations, or he would never get caught, and I would be stuck looking at stacks and stacks of pictures for weeks to come.

I will go straight home and wash my mouth in a combination of rubbing alcohol and bleach, I will also remember to floss, because we all know how much those germs will hide within your gum lines causing the dangerous gum disease known as gingivitis. I also heard that neglecting your teeth can cause heart disease, what kind of messed up crap research concluded this mess. I would like to know who funded this research because....... is that man eating a dead carcass on the side of the road????????

I stop. What in Lucifer is going on? I back the car up a bit. I would like to say for the record I am not blond, so I knew I could not die.

There squatted a man, noshing down on a carcass. His face was all bloody and his fingers were whittled down to the bone from such enthusiastic munching. I gawked at him, in disbelief and horror. My window was rolled down ever so slightly so I could hear his hands digging inside the contents of this dead body's stomach, squishing, oozing, and that suction sound when you grasp more than your hands will hold. He took the handful and brought it to his lips. I gagged a little. I leaned on the horn, I couldn't bare to watch anymore. He looked up, and gazed at me.... "oh holy shite........" I rolled up my window. He stood up and stumbled over to my car. Yeah I could drive away, but this was just too wierd to stop staring. Plus it would give me something to write about in my blog. He touched my window, the stoner got blood all over my window. It wasn't until then that I noticed he wasn't enjoying his midnight snack alone (or 9 pm snack) Someone else was clawing at the back of my car, I looked, it wasn't one person, it was 4 people investigating my car. I throw my car in drive and gun it out of there. One of the stoners held on. I swerved around like a drunken lunatic, I could see his body swaying left to right like a rag doll. It was almost comical looking depsite the nightmare of the scene I just witnessed. Finally he let my car go, and I sped off. He was probably too stoned to get my lisence plate number, so I think I will be ok. At this point I should call the cops when I get home. It wasn't until now that I decided owning a cell phone was probably a good idea.

I continue my drive home, it won't be long now. I will go home, call the cops and have some tea and brush my teeth...... I turn on to my road, and into my driveway.,..I get out and grab my purse and bags. I hear a scuffling noise. I stop moving. I hear the noise again. I look up and see another fucking stoner....... "enough of this shit" I pop my trunk and I walk around the car to grab a bat from the back.
"Fuck off" I say.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" says the stoner.
At this point I didn't know if I should hit him, and face murder charges, or just run into my house and call the cops.
The stoner got closer.
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" he said again.
He sounded more like a horny stoner than a murderous stoner. But I remembered what happened at the drive down and determined, first he would rape me, and then eat me. He was taking some sort of bizarre black widow drugs..... and I wasn't going to be eaten.
No more warnings I thought. I swung my bat, and hit him on the arm. He kept coming foward. I swung again only this time at his head, knowing full well that this blow would probably crush his head and kill him.
I stepped back. He was still standing. Awake and unfazed.
I swung again, and again, and again. This time he fell over. I stopped hitting him and waited for him to leave me alone. But he didn't, he grabbed my ankle. I kicked him away, and swung my bat at his head some more. I kept hitting him. I could hear bone cracking. I kept hitting his head until I heard the equivelent of a bat hitting a large wet sponge. There was nothing left to the stoner's head but a wet sunken leathery bag.
"EAT SHIT!!!!!!!............." I yelled. My heart was racing and my lungs were about to explode. I caught my breath and tossed the bat in my trunk, and closed it.
I grabbed the rest of my belongings in my car and went inside my house.
I decided that tomorrow, I would take the day off from the gym.