Bootleg Giraffe Snacks

I would like the ability to create a cool pet.
I think the neatest pet (other than a pet duck which is far from extraordinary) would be a miniature elephant. There was such a thing as a dwarf elephant wayyyyyy back in the day. It stood about a metre high. But when I say a mini elephant. I mean something that stands about a foot tall. I would train my elephant to do tricks. But not crappy tricks like roll over and sit. I would teach my elephant to go pooh in the toilet. And I would teach him to pick up the garbage and take it out to the garage.
I currently have an iguana, but I can't train her to do any tricks, and I know I have promised to post pictures, but I have been quite the lazy sloth lately.

Another neat pet would be a mini lion. Yeah let's follow the trend of "mini" only because items that are normally giants would be cuter and easier to handle in a mini format. Why a lion and not another large cat species. Well because of the mane of course! I could comb that mane and just put it in braids and stuff. It would be jolly good fun. On friday nights we could colour each others hair. Well, maybe thats a little over the top, I just think a lion who was smaller would be really neat-o. It would be a great pet to have in bed with you on a cold winter's night. It would also be great with kids. I can picture it now, a lion kicking around a ball of yarn and pooping in the litter box.
I am not sure why but any thought that I write about I seems to always end up talking about poop. Nothing is more satisfying than taking a large poop. Well maybe chocolate, but chocolate wont make you lose that heavy chunk in your tummy.

Also a mini giraffe. That would be real keen. But I think his hoofs would scratch my floors. We would have to get some booties. I can't knit, so I would have to hire a bunch of people in a sweat shop to make these mini booties for the mini giraffes. Since I am the only one who makes mini booties I will make millions, maybe billions. The popularity of mini giraffes would explode. Every house in America and Canada will own one. Maybe two. I will create schools for vets who have to take special courses to care for the giraffes when sick. Further growing my billion dollar empire. My monopoly of giraffe mini booties, and schools will create an underground black market. I will hunt down those savages and kill them with my mighty sword. No one will stop me because everyone wants a mini giraffe for Christmas.


I will be the only producer of giraffe food. If they eat anything else their stomachs will explode the contents of any bootleg giraffe snacks onto the owners and little children. The guts will stain every nook and cranny of their house, causing them to sell the house or live with the stains. A terrible reminder that you must never feed your mini giraffe bootleg giraffe snacks.

My plan will work. Yes it will.