Blueberry Diarrhea
I found this little muffin story that I wrote from over a month ago......not sure why I didn't post it then. But here it is now, and that's what really matters.
Muffins are evil. I am not sure what compel's me to eat them. My husband after pleading with him NOT to buy them, does so anyways. Normally he gets them at the local coffee shop. They are cheap things that consist mostly of flour, oil, and sugar. They are not cakey or flavourfull. If you get chocolate chip they are only sprinkled on top. Same with bueberry and other such items used for flavour.
So why is it that I eat these things. And not just one, but 2 in a sitting or maybe 2 and a half. They lack unique personality of flavour and have crusty edges. I ate some
muffins that had no filling in them at all. I could get a hint of flavour knowing I was eating blueberry flavour and I came across a blue stain in the dough. But not one fucking blueberry. I just don't understand why this is. It's like a blueberry came, took a shit and wiped it's blue ass on the muffin dough. I know there isn't a shortage of blueberries, and they aren't expensive. So what is the deal with this flavourless sugary dough, why do I eat this crap. When I do eat this oily sugary dough, I get a feeling of something equivalent to a cement bag sitting in my gut. It's unpleasant and I get cranky.
These coffee shops seem to inject some sort of cocaine in them, making you devour every morsel in the box. They taste like shit but you have to eat more, just like the Tomacco.
We, the people must make a stand against these blueberries, and evil corporations who allow these mis-doings to the pastry of muffins. We must end this madness. End the Blumacco insanity.
Stop eating the muffin.
Muffins are evil. I am not sure what compel's me to eat them. My husband after pleading with him NOT to buy them, does so anyways. Normally he gets them at the local coffee shop. They are cheap things that consist mostly of flour, oil, and sugar. They are not cakey or flavourfull. If you get chocolate chip they are only sprinkled on top. Same with bueberry and other such items used for flavour.So why is it that I eat these things. And not just one, but 2 in a sitting or maybe 2 and a half. They lack unique personality of flavour and have crusty edges. I ate some
muffins that had no filling in them at all. I could get a hint of flavour knowing I was eating blueberry flavour and I came across a blue stain in the dough. But not one fucking blueberry. I just don't understand why this is. It's like a blueberry came, took a shit and wiped it's blue ass on the muffin dough. I know there isn't a shortage of blueberries, and they aren't expensive. So what is the deal with this flavourless sugary dough, why do I eat this crap. When I do eat this oily sugary dough, I get a feeling of something equivalent to a cement bag sitting in my gut. It's unpleasant and I get cranky.
These coffee shops seem to inject some sort of cocaine in them, making you devour every morsel in the box. They taste like shit but you have to eat more, just like the Tomacco.
We, the people must make a stand against these blueberries, and evil corporations who allow these mis-doings to the pastry of muffins. We must end this madness. End the Blumacco insanity.
Stop eating the muffin.
this article was regurgitated by -------- Gravity Drop at 10:30 AM
4 Comments:
It was a Seinfeld episode, they gave the bottoms to the homeless.
And the muffin tops are the best I only eat the tops too. Hahaha.
Can we sell fudge too?
Muffin tops without the side of fudge is a damn sin.
We will call the store the Muffin Fudgery. We will cook it and "they" will come. It will be a beautiful marriage without the sin.
i will never look at a blueberry, or a blueberry muffin for that matter the same...in fact...i may not ever be able to eat blueberries again!
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