Rage Again: The Ninja Fax Lady

The Showdown: Friday august 19th
The Time: 4 pm
The Place: fax machine
Papers Left Until Completion: 5

That's right, for those sorry losers out there who think you never get a second chance at life.... I lived it. I lived it for me and my bredren. My fellow readers, I lived the second chance, and lived it gloriously. It was beautiful and magnificent, and my life is now complete. I am ready to die and enter the pearly gates, and speak to my maker and face my sins.

4 faxes to go.....

There I was at the fax machine doing my usual routine. I was minding my business, during a storm that threatened a tornado . Trees were blowing outside, my paper faxes were whirling around inside. I heard the noise. The “nothing noise” the noise that crept up on you while doing laundry in your basement at 1 am after watching a scary movie that made you shart yourself. I was in the eye of the storm.... I looked around and saw nothing. But I knew, I knew there was something out there, in the jungle. The Ninja Fax Lady that was spawned from a litter of phantoms, ninja’s, and cougars. The silent killer is not high blood pressure, it is Ninja Fax Lady!

I saw movement from the corner of my eye. I caught her, that sneaky little biatch. I caught her and her potato sack sweater that she wore. For everything that is holy I got her weakness and ate it up. (Never ever ever wear an over sized sweater, it will slow you down.) She stood there. Silent. Swaying from foot to foot. Almost impatient. I looked at her, not making eye contact, and smiled. You must never make eye contact with the Ninja Fax Lady. She will eat your faxes and wipe her face clean with your soul.

I only had 3 faxes to go……

For those who don't know me, I don't normally smile, so this was a stretch, and it hurt a bit. Some think I am a creepy bitch, others think I am just lonely heartbroken and shy with a child. I see myself as a vindictive, passive aggressive milf.

2 faxes to go....

We said nothing, more importantly I said nothing. I didn’t offer to let her "bud” in line. I wasn’t about to fold under the stress. I kept faxing without breaking stride. She hadn’t brought her evil red folder. She almost looked naked and fragile like a newbie covered in rookie blood. I could sense her eyes growing, the pupils doubling in size, tears welling up.... Chin shaking.....she looked like a Precious Moments figurine. She was a person with feelings.....
“damn you Gravity stay focused, this is the nature of the Ninja Fax Lady, this is how she gets to people.....stay focused don’t lose strength!!!!!”




1 fax to go..........

I punched in a wrong number..... dammit this is going to increase dialing time by another 4 seconds. Ninja Fax Lady was ready to break out some numb-chucks and whip me across the hands with them, I would be left rolling on the ground with bloody knuckles. My faxes would get ruined. My life would be a shameful exhibit for all co-workers to mock in the lunchroom. I would go to my car every night and cry until I gained control of myself and was able to drive home to my family. This can’t happen, no it can’t. I will not let it happen. I punched in 1 then the area code, and then the number. I was smooth and suave, I brushed some sweat from my brow, and then I executed the fax and pushed the "send” button.

I had done it!!!!!!! I had won this battle!!!!!! The battle of all battles. I had won the second coming, I didn't have a speech handy and I didn't have any dance moves that I choreographed. I just walked away, and let myself breathe again. The storm continued on outside but everything was calm again in the jungle.