Wipe My Bum
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
Yeah kids.........
my daughter is at the ripe age of asking very wierd questions. Or making statements that are viewed as wierd.
She is potty trained thank god...... but hasen't yet mastered the art of ass wiping. She has been explained how to do it, but when left with the task, let's just say it's a fucking mess hours after the ordeal.
This is a typical day:
Picture 3 yeard old running to bathroom.
*plop* *plop* *plop*
"Mommy wipe my bum"
"ok"
"Mommy wipe my bum"
"one second"
"Mommey wipe my BUM!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I AM COMING ONE MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Mommy I poohed...........WIPE MY BUM"
Since I am busy, my husband will go to investigate the smelly smeary problem.
"NO daddy..... MOMMY HAS TO WIPE MY BUM!!!!!!!"
Here is a conversation I had in the car last night.
"Mommy why do dolphins have a horn?"
"It's not a horn its a fin"
"A fin?"
"Yes, a fin"
"Mommy do dolphins poop on the beach?"
"No they poop in the water"
"And then they eat the water?"
"Ummmmm I believe there are bottom feeders that eat the poop to keep the water clean..."
"Bottom Feeders?"
"Yes bottom feeders."
After some silence I realized how wrong that might have sounded.....
You know Bottom = Bum
Right about now I am thinking my daughter is thinking that there is a fish that lodges to a dolphins ass and sucks out poop.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
Yeah kids.........
my daughter is at the ripe age of asking very wierd questions. Or making statements that are viewed as wierd.
She is potty trained thank god...... but hasen't yet mastered the art of ass wiping. She has been explained how to do it, but when left with the task, let's just say it's a fucking mess hours after the ordeal.
This is a typical day:
Picture 3 yeard old running to bathroom.*plop* *plop* *plop*
"Mommy wipe my bum"
"ok"
"Mommy wipe my bum"
"one second"
"Mommey wipe my BUM!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I AM COMING ONE MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Mommy I poohed...........WIPE MY BUM"
Since I am busy, my husband will go to investigate the smelly smeary problem.
"NO daddy..... MOMMY HAS TO WIPE MY BUM!!!!!!!"
Here is a conversation I had in the car last night.
"Mommy why do dolphins have a horn?"
"It's not a horn its a fin"
"A fin?"
"Yes, a fin"
"Mommy do dolphins poop on the beach?"
"No they poop in the water"
"And then they eat the water?"
"Ummmmm I believe there are bottom feeders that eat the poop to keep the water clean..."
"Bottom Feeders?"
"Yes bottom feeders."
After some silence I realized how wrong that might have sounded.....
You know Bottom = Bum
Right about now I am thinking my daughter is thinking that there is a fish that lodges to a dolphins ass and sucks out poop.
this article was regurgitated by -------- Gravity Drop at 1:28 PM
4 Comments:
Baby wipes are the best.......... they don't crumble like normal toilet paper, and because they are wet it cleans beautifully.
I also use them to clean her face and hands.......... sometimes I also use them to clean the toilet seat and wipe down the counters when I am too lazy to grab the paper towel and windex......
i use those pledge wipes for that. the counters, that is.
Hahaha I was thinking the same thing, a lemon scented bum.
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