Mini Thoughts

There's a few things that I have learned or have thought about over the last couple of weeks.

A brand new pair of socks will not last longer than one month. I will end up with a large hole in the big toe on the right foot. Now as incredibly insane as this sounds, I will not change the feet. I have a right sock, and a left sock. This method creates a perfect stretch mark in the sock, so it fits me perfectly. I pin my socks together when they are being washed so my socks never break up. It's a beautiful marriage.




A school bus driver who drives recklessly is a fucking sinner and should burn in hell. Especially since I cannot retaliate with a busload of kids inside.




If you run a business, (a motivational life altering/bettering to be more specific.) Don't advertise on the side of your 1992 mini-van beater. It's depressing that I cannot do much better.

Also, an image search on Google for "socks" will turn up this picture

RIP Pete

Yes I am still alive and kicking. However this poor bastard isn't.

Worst Job Ever

Worst Job Ever

In case ya haven't noticed I have been lacking in the quality blog department.
I am out of ideas of what to write about. Normally I try to avoid talking about my personal life because it's pretty gosh darn boring, and describes about half the blogs out there. I don't even have depressing issues to rant about. Which is a great thing I suppose.

I discovered a great site which will probably make you feel a little smaller. It's a great little space diagram that is to scale. Click on the links otherwise you will never find the planets.

Friday Funnies

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.



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A woman walks into the store and purchases the following: 1 small box of detergent
1 Bar of soap
3 individual servings of yogurt
2 oranges
1 stick of women’s deodorant.
She then goes to the check out line.

Cashier: Oh, you must be single
Woman: You can tell that by what I bought?
Cashier: No, you're fucking ugly!


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A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad. Golfpro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards. Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

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A guy is riding the bus when at a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway.
"Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and I must have sex with you." he says.
"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God" she replies and then leaves.
Suddenly the bus driver turns around to the guy and says "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional everyday at 3 in the afternoon. The bus driver tells the guy his plan and the guy leaves happy knowing he's going to get some.
The next day at 3 the guy is in the booth dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you."
She replies "Well if God has said it, we must do it. However because of my strong commitment to God I will only take it up the ass."
The guy figures this isn't a problem and proceeds to have the best sex ever. After it is over he whips off his outfit and says "Surprise I'm the guy on the bus"
With that the nun turns around and says "Surprise I'm the bus driver."

Reminder: Buy Tampons

I continue to have dreams about hurricanes/tornado's. I am not sure why. I think it's because I listen to the radio while sleeping and I tend to listen and then dream out what the news is covering that day.

Now I know it's highly unlikely that a hurricane would hit Toronto, but low in behold I see myself looking at a big giant tunnel that suddenly forms in front of my eyes. At that point I have about 30 seconds to run home to safety. I run like the dickens and grab some essentials so I can lock myself up into a basement with food, blankets, tampons, and guns (for the zombies).

The funny thing is, I can't find safety. I can't find an elevator or stairs to get to lower ground. So there I am running around a building (my dreams seem to materialize from my home when I was a youngster which was an apartment building) A building that doesn't have a nice little nook for me to hide. A building that is full of windows like a solarium. There is also a bunch of other people running around in large clumps that remind me of herding sheep into a barn.

The hurricane comes. I close my eyes and pray to live, or die-but quickly. Things pass, and I am alive... I get up along with the rest of the sheep and go outside to survey the damage. Once outside we discover we are in the eye of the storm and things aren't over. Then I wake up.

I could probably end these dreams by just turning off the radio, but believe it or not, my dreams are worse without the radio to keep my brain occupied. Dreams that are probably comparable to the writing of Stephen King, and I am the star.

I could probably attempt to interpret these dreams, but it's probably something about facing a fear or a big giant problem that won't go away, or maybe it's a reminder to stock up on tampons.