Abusement Park
A day in the amusement park, full of hotdogs and cotton candy and rides. Sounds like fun? It should be. But when I went it was so bloody packed that it should have been a hot spot for a terrorist attack. But since we are in Canada our only protection is to drown you in maple syrup, and nobody feels threatened when you are told you will suffer death from maple syrup because it is so delicious.
Our little micro family went to an un-named amusement park in 35 degree heat. So any water activities were packed like a can of sardines flavoured with chlorine and kids urine. We decided not to go in the water.
Here are a couple pictures I took. They lack pictures of any people because I am a paranoid schizophrenic who thinks you, the reader, will kidnap me and tickle me with feathers.
The lines were about 45 minutes long (or longer) for each fucking ride. I was able to find a giant slide that only had a line-up of about 10 minutes. So my daughter and me went down this slide that required an airtight potato sack and a tank of oxygen. This slide is so fucking tall that we combusted when we returned to the atmosphere traveling at ungodly speeds.
I saw a wonderful young man about 15 years of age, with pants so low I could see some sort of black cotton ball type substance pasted from his belly button down to his.....well probably his crotch. This is why I am a strong advocate of shaving. His pubes were so long you could have braided those fuckers. I can picture it now a 15 year-old with dread-locked pubes and those beads on the end of them. And this guy is the type of menacing bastard that would prey on an 11 year-old virgin.
I enjoyed some beaver tail. Yes a woman's tail is quite delectable when doused in cinnamon and sugar or butter and maple syrup. Actually it's a fried type of dough coated in toppings of your choice of savory or sweet. They are shaped like a beaver tail incase couldn't figure out by the name of the food item. Now if we could get this item topped with some strawberry jam we could have an adult themed treat.
I also enjoyed some pre-packaged fudge, wisely named "The Fudgery Shoppe" I had very homo-erotic pictures dancing in my head. The taste, along with the name was bloody awful for $3.99. This stuff had more preservatives than a Twinkie embalmed in formaldehyde. It was a cross between toffee and icing sugar and tasted worse. Fresh fudge is the bomb-diggity-dawg and melts in your mouth like mans penis, but tastes much much better (without that freaky aftertaste) If you want to make some here is a very easy recipe
Upon leaving the grounds we were greeted with a $30 parking ticked because yours-fucking-truly didn't pay for a parking sticker. What happened to the automated arms I dunno; but if you see that 12 inch midget in the very back of the parking lot hiding under a rock with camouflage clothing you must pay that fucker for your parking sticker.
Our little micro family went to an un-named amusement park in 35 degree heat. So any water activities were packed like a can of sardines flavoured with chlorine and kids urine. We decided not to go in the water.
Here are a couple pictures I took. They lack pictures of any people because I am a paranoid schizophrenic who thinks you, the reader, will kidnap me and tickle me with feathers.
The lines were about 45 minutes long (or longer) for each fucking ride. I was able to find a giant slide that only had a line-up of about 10 minutes. So my daughter and me went down this slide that required an airtight potato sack and a tank of oxygen. This slide is so fucking tall that we combusted when we returned to the atmosphere traveling at ungodly speeds.
I saw a wonderful young man about 15 years of age, with pants so low I could see some sort of black cotton ball type substance pasted from his belly button down to his.....well probably his crotch. This is why I am a strong advocate of shaving. His pubes were so long you could have braided those fuckers. I can picture it now a 15 year-old with dread-locked pubes and those beads on the end of them. And this guy is the type of menacing bastard that would prey on an 11 year-old virgin.
I enjoyed some beaver tail. Yes a woman's tail is quite delectable when doused in cinnamon and sugar or butter and maple syrup. Actually it's a fried type of dough coated in toppings of your choice of savory or sweet. They are shaped like a beaver tail incase couldn't figure out by the name of the food item. Now if we could get this item topped with some strawberry jam we could have an adult themed treat.
I also enjoyed some pre-packaged fudge, wisely named "The Fudgery Shoppe" I had very homo-erotic pictures dancing in my head. The taste, along with the name was bloody awful for $3.99. This stuff had more preservatives than a Twinkie embalmed in formaldehyde. It was a cross between toffee and icing sugar and tasted worse. Fresh fudge is the bomb-diggity-dawg and melts in your mouth like mans penis, but tastes much much better (without that freaky aftertaste) If you want to make some here is a very easy recipe
Upon leaving the grounds we were greeted with a $30 parking ticked because yours-fucking-truly didn't pay for a parking sticker. What happened to the automated arms I dunno; but if you see that 12 inch midget in the very back of the parking lot hiding under a rock with camouflage clothing you must pay that fucker for your parking sticker.
this article was regurgitated by -------- Gravity Drop at 10:37 AM
4 Comments:
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The idea of Sardines in Chlorine sounds like a new recipe my co-worker might like.
imagine what that 15 year old will look like when he's 40. yikes.
Sardines chlorine AND pee
I will donate the pee
Its pretty sad when we take our kids to a park and we have to cover their eyes because of all the nekkid people.
And if that 15 year old never shaves with those pubes those dreadlocks will pretty long....he will have to tuck them into his socks.
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