Down by the Beach
It doesn't rain at the beach. Well it does, but it takes a long lunch break.
We went to the beach on Sunday. A nice cheap thing to do when you need to save your dimes and nickles when your house is about to close in a week. It rained on the drive down but as soon as we got out of our car the clouds broke and the sun came down and blistered my virgin skin. The water was great, kinda like warm piss. I officially peed twice in the lake because I saw the bathrooms and decided to take my chances with the embarrassing yellow cloud trailing with me in the lake. And then my daughter pooped and the seagulls tried to eat it.
We made a sand castle in the shape of a turtle laying eggs, and a shark. People were impressed with my great creation, I proudly gloated in it. I didn't take pictures because I was an idiot and forgot to charge the GD batteries. I am still in contemplation if we should go again next weekend and do everything the same, just so we can take pictures. But since most lack an imagination, please enjoy what I stole off the internet:
This was the first time I had been at a sandy type of beach. As a child we went to ghetto rocky beaches, and to swim you needed running shoes so you didn't stab your feet on any sharp rocks, or syringes. There were also those mini lobsters, crayfish I think.
Before this trip to the beach I pictured myself in a glamorous setting tossing my hair and drinking cold water and floating in the water. No one warned me about the sand. It gets everywhere. I couldn't wipe it with my hands. The shit doesn't even wash off. Using a towel was just as hopeless. If you wear contacts bring some solution. Eating food is also a pain in the arse as everything becomes gritty with sand.
I also liberally applied sunblock 200, but still got burned. Places you don't think should get burned. Someone please explain to me how my bellybutton is untouched but my earholes are burned?? How in the sam hell did my knee caps get burned? My armpits also burned. I also burned everywhere else, especially that part where your bathing suit meets your ass cheek, That always burns without fail.
With the humidity my hair became an afro, so I tied it back, it somehow became crusty. I am not sure how, and to be honest I don't think I want to know. A seagull swooped down and stole a chicken wing right from our picnic table I was quite impressed, but I also wanted to see how he was going to be able to swallow that chicken wing whole. So I watched to see if he was going to choke. He didn't. Damn.
I had a great time, it was the first time I felt comfortable dressed half naked, and I will go again.
We went to the beach on Sunday. A nice cheap thing to do when you need to save your dimes and nickles when your house is about to close in a week. It rained on the drive down but as soon as we got out of our car the clouds broke and the sun came down and blistered my virgin skin. The water was great, kinda like warm piss. I officially peed twice in the lake because I saw the bathrooms and decided to take my chances with the embarrassing yellow cloud trailing with me in the lake. And then my daughter pooped and the seagulls tried to eat it.
We made a sand castle in the shape of a turtle laying eggs, and a shark. People were impressed with my great creation, I proudly gloated in it. I didn't take pictures because I was an idiot and forgot to charge the GD batteries. I am still in contemplation if we should go again next weekend and do everything the same, just so we can take pictures. But since most lack an imagination, please enjoy what I stole off the internet:
This was the first time I had been at a sandy type of beach. As a child we went to ghetto rocky beaches, and to swim you needed running shoes so you didn't stab your feet on any sharp rocks, or syringes. There were also those mini lobsters, crayfish I think.
Before this trip to the beach I pictured myself in a glamorous setting tossing my hair and drinking cold water and floating in the water. No one warned me about the sand. It gets everywhere. I couldn't wipe it with my hands. The shit doesn't even wash off. Using a towel was just as hopeless. If you wear contacts bring some solution. Eating food is also a pain in the arse as everything becomes gritty with sand.
I also liberally applied sunblock 200, but still got burned. Places you don't think should get burned. Someone please explain to me how my bellybutton is untouched but my earholes are burned?? How in the sam hell did my knee caps get burned? My armpits also burned. I also burned everywhere else, especially that part where your bathing suit meets your ass cheek, That always burns without fail.
With the humidity my hair became an afro, so I tied it back, it somehow became crusty. I am not sure how, and to be honest I don't think I want to know. A seagull swooped down and stole a chicken wing right from our picnic table I was quite impressed, but I also wanted to see how he was going to be able to swallow that chicken wing whole. So I watched to see if he was going to choke. He didn't. Damn.
I had a great time, it was the first time I felt comfortable dressed half naked, and I will go again.
this article was regurgitated by -------- Gravity Drop at 1:05 PM
6 Comments:
That would have made a fantastic blog...Seagull chokes on chicken...
Sandy beaches still rule. I used to get those tiny rocks stuck all over the place leaving little indents in my skin. Ewe. I wanna know about the crusty hair!
I think the crusty hair came from a combination of sand, sunblock, and rain. It was nasty.
Not in the ocean, unless you can talk to sharks.
In lakes I think it would be ok, just wear tampons, not maxi-pads.
Or just take vitamins to cure your period.
Fuck, there's vitamins?
mmmmm, yes. Made by Tom Cruise.
I wonder if Katie has done that...
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