Vaseline Monkey
Granted I may need a life, but I decided to fill my day with this gibberish today. No pics because this guy makes me wanna scrub my eyes with baking soda, instead, you can enjoy the links.
After doing a tireless search on this useless breathing grease-loving shit-brick (K-Fed) I have come to the conclusion he is a reject from some FBI secret file. I cannot find anything about this guy other than him porking some chick knocking her up and leaving her for Britney Spear’s. I am convinced some sort of payoff crossed hands in order to keep such records hush-hush.
Everyone has been very evasive about showing baby pics from his childhood or talking about this guy prior to the year 2000. Why hasn’t any reporter pulled out a rap sheet from a police station the size of a football field. This guy can’t possibly be gold. He is a piece of green slimy shit you crap out when you have the flu and ate too many greasy foods.
I wanna hear about past girlfriends who fucked him and now have crabs so bad and so large they are like ping pong balls on their nether regions. I can picture him smelling like beer, smoke, and nut sweat.
This guy has nothing useful to say when he “tags” along with Britney. People say he’s shy but c’mon I am shy, I get overwhelmed in large groups but I don’t say stupid things. Being shy isn’t an excuse for saying/being stupid.
Why or how the fuck does this guy end up on T.V.? It’s like he’s Britney’s pet just tagging along like a lap dog that is just more expensive to house and feed. Goodness knows he doesn’t require any more grooming than my 60 year-old grandfather who’s been dead for over 15 years.
This guy is the black hole creating a major suckage of talent from a young girl. When I mean talent I don’t mean singing, I mean performing. This lazy cow can’t even put this sucked energy into anything useful because he’s to busy smoking pot and creating bongs out of empty champagne bottles.
He is more useless than a sack of rotting grass clippings. But somehow he seems to have some invisible power over barefoot and pregnant Britney. I certainly hope it isn’t the so-called bad boy image. Since we lack any sort of criminal record, then we can easily say his bad boy image is a forgery. Fuck, I can already tell that Britney tried to change him, such as cleaning him up for those famous coming out party pictures in People Magazine. But within 30 seconds after shooting he resorted back to looking like Pig Pen with that cloud of dust floating around him. This man has kept Vaseline in business after the passing of Elvis, please stop putting that shit in your hair and get a job outside of lapdog/shadow.
After doing a tireless search on this useless breathing grease-loving shit-brick (K-Fed) I have come to the conclusion he is a reject from some FBI secret file. I cannot find anything about this guy other than him porking some chick knocking her up and leaving her for Britney Spear’s. I am convinced some sort of payoff crossed hands in order to keep such records hush-hush.
Everyone has been very evasive about showing baby pics from his childhood or talking about this guy prior to the year 2000. Why hasn’t any reporter pulled out a rap sheet from a police station the size of a football field. This guy can’t possibly be gold. He is a piece of green slimy shit you crap out when you have the flu and ate too many greasy foods.
I wanna hear about past girlfriends who fucked him and now have crabs so bad and so large they are like ping pong balls on their nether regions. I can picture him smelling like beer, smoke, and nut sweat.
This guy has nothing useful to say when he “tags” along with Britney. People say he’s shy but c’mon I am shy, I get overwhelmed in large groups but I don’t say stupid things. Being shy isn’t an excuse for saying/being stupid.
Why or how the fuck does this guy end up on T.V.? It’s like he’s Britney’s pet just tagging along like a lap dog that is just more expensive to house and feed. Goodness knows he doesn’t require any more grooming than my 60 year-old grandfather who’s been dead for over 15 years.
This guy is the black hole creating a major suckage of talent from a young girl. When I mean talent I don’t mean singing, I mean performing. This lazy cow can’t even put this sucked energy into anything useful because he’s to busy smoking pot and creating bongs out of empty champagne bottles.
He is more useless than a sack of rotting grass clippings. But somehow he seems to have some invisible power over barefoot and pregnant Britney. I certainly hope it isn’t the so-called bad boy image. Since we lack any sort of criminal record, then we can easily say his bad boy image is a forgery. Fuck, I can already tell that Britney tried to change him, such as cleaning him up for those famous coming out party pictures in People Magazine. But within 30 seconds after shooting he resorted back to looking like Pig Pen with that cloud of dust floating around him. This man has kept Vaseline in business after the passing of Elvis, please stop putting that shit in your hair and get a job outside of lapdog/shadow.
this article was regurgitated by -------- Gravity Drop at 10:49 AM
3 Comments:
oh geez.... vaseline man is too funny
well it was supposed to be a moving documentary that was to become a best seller but oh well at least it has flair....heh
Every time I see him I want to kick him in the teeth.
And yes.....you are lazy....because creating links is harder than posting a picture, but I can't stand that brown loaf so I purposly avoided posting pics.... how spendid!!
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