The Flaws
Since I, Gravity, have painted a picture of myself of pure perfection (hah) I have decided to list my flaws. Me listing my flaws shows that I can admit to them (which makes me stronger) and I can fix them (if I choose to)
Things I Do At Work
I chew like a cow. I chew a lot of gum because I have paranoia about having stinky breath so I have about 4 packs of gum in my desk at any given time. This normally isn’t an issue, but I just chew insanely loud. Why? Well because it is very satisfying to release some aggression without swearing at customers on the phone. I don’t chew while on the phone but when I am on hold I sound like an army of termites demolishing a house of matchsticks. I also pop my gum.
My chair squeaks and groans like its having sex with another chair. I thought about bringing in WD-40 but that stuff stinks to high heaven. SO I just bear with the squeaking, no one else has thrown anything at me yet so I’ll just keep making the noise.
I click my pen, another time killer when I am researching or being on hold. I normally do it when I get in a groove and I want to do things quicker.
I wear self tanner. This may not make sense for a work imperfection, but the stuff stinks like burned rubber. I am used to it by now but sometimes even after I wash my hands they still smell like a condom factory. I haven’t heard any rumours about my smell yet, so again, I’ll just keep on wearing my tanner and get my fake slutty bake this way.
On The Home Front.
I leave water bottles lying around, normally half empty. For my defence it’s because I plan on using them again, but with my daughter around she’ll pick them up and play with it and I find the bottle two days later with smelly water inside.
I leave drawers open. I have no reasoning for this other than I am in and out of my drawers constantly.
I am anal about my food. I know exactly what I am eating for an entire week for every single meal Monday to Friday. Don’t ever eat my food. Ever.
I sleep with the radio on. Every single night. My husband, thank god, has learned to deal with this. Without the radio I have nightmares, and I can’t sleep. Even when we are in a hotel I sleep with the clock radio on.
I burp, really fucking loud. It’s another outlet like chewing gum, its so gosh darn satisfying.
Things I Do At Work
I chew like a cow. I chew a lot of gum because I have paranoia about having stinky breath so I have about 4 packs of gum in my desk at any given time. This normally isn’t an issue, but I just chew insanely loud. Why? Well because it is very satisfying to release some aggression without swearing at customers on the phone. I don’t chew while on the phone but when I am on hold I sound like an army of termites demolishing a house of matchsticks. I also pop my gum.
My chair squeaks and groans like its having sex with another chair. I thought about bringing in WD-40 but that stuff stinks to high heaven. SO I just bear with the squeaking, no one else has thrown anything at me yet so I’ll just keep making the noise.
I click my pen, another time killer when I am researching or being on hold. I normally do it when I get in a groove and I want to do things quicker.
I wear self tanner. This may not make sense for a work imperfection, but the stuff stinks like burned rubber. I am used to it by now but sometimes even after I wash my hands they still smell like a condom factory. I haven’t heard any rumours about my smell yet, so again, I’ll just keep on wearing my tanner and get my fake slutty bake this way.
On The Home Front.
I leave water bottles lying around, normally half empty. For my defence it’s because I plan on using them again, but with my daughter around she’ll pick them up and play with it and I find the bottle two days later with smelly water inside.
I leave drawers open. I have no reasoning for this other than I am in and out of my drawers constantly.
I am anal about my food. I know exactly what I am eating for an entire week for every single meal Monday to Friday. Don’t ever eat my food. Ever.
I sleep with the radio on. Every single night. My husband, thank god, has learned to deal with this. Without the radio I have nightmares, and I can’t sleep. Even when we are in a hotel I sleep with the clock radio on.
I burp, really fucking loud. It’s another outlet like chewing gum, its so gosh darn satisfying.
this article was regurgitated by -------- Gravity Drop at 11:29 AM
3 Comments:
If you and me got our chairs together at work, we could have a serious party!
My chair is VERY mobile and has got wheels. My chair is THE best and can rock any one's world.
FYI My chair is a boy and has already got his "party hat" on
It does indeed. Mine is on the rebound.
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