Cotton Rods
I am sorry about the guys (if any) read this blog today, because I am gonna talk about tampons. Tampons are good things if you find one that works. If you’re a guy you may think WTF? It’s just a wad of cotton why does it matter? Well I will explain.
No name, non-brand, low costing tampons are a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They are rods that barely move and don’t absorb much of anything useful and they actually act more like a plug than anything else. So when you move its creates a gap for the flood gates of bloody hell to open and cause some serious leakage.
Premium tampons are expensive and you will have to re-mortgage your house and most likely be forced to pimp out your youngest child, if you don’t want messy pants, bed sheets, or a bloody chair at work. Premium tampons are also shaped differently than those cheap counterfeits. The shape actually creates better absorption and pulls out easier.
The applicator is also important, the cheap shit is cardboard and if you’re a newbie inserting a tampon, it can take more than one try to put that sucker in and you don’t get many chances to insert carboard tampons because it starts to fall apart.
Premium ones are plastic, thus never flush those things or you will be very embarrassed, and some blond will think you eat plastic and think this would be a fantastic way to become Barbie…..simply by eating her.
The plastic ones are also contoured so they don’t snag on those lasagna lips and glide in smoothly, rather than those cheapies that cause sticking and pain making it feel like your some kind of born again virgin.
The final tampon would be the ones without applicators. Who in the sam hell dreamed these fuckers up? If you guys want to compare the sensation of sticking DRY cotton inside an environment that should remain moist, try taking a cotton swab and shoving it into your pee hole. I find it physically impossible to shove a 2-inch length of cotton rod into a moist area that has to go in about 4 inches to remain in its place. That cotton bastard will stick worse than dried snot on a sweater.
You also have scented ones now. Which I do not use because I happen to respect my crotch enough not to abuse it more than it already has been. Scented items in a genital area is a big no-no as it could cause an allergic reaction.
No name, non-brand, low costing tampons are a wolf in sheep’s clothing. They are rods that barely move and don’t absorb much of anything useful and they actually act more like a plug than anything else. So when you move its creates a gap for the flood gates of bloody hell to open and cause some serious leakage.
Premium tampons are expensive and you will have to re-mortgage your house and most likely be forced to pimp out your youngest child, if you don’t want messy pants, bed sheets, or a bloody chair at work. Premium tampons are also shaped differently than those cheap counterfeits. The shape actually creates better absorption and pulls out easier.
The applicator is also important, the cheap shit is cardboard and if you’re a newbie inserting a tampon, it can take more than one try to put that sucker in and you don’t get many chances to insert carboard tampons because it starts to fall apart.
Premium ones are plastic, thus never flush those things or you will be very embarrassed, and some blond will think you eat plastic and think this would be a fantastic way to become Barbie…..simply by eating her.
The plastic ones are also contoured so they don’t snag on those lasagna lips and glide in smoothly, rather than those cheapies that cause sticking and pain making it feel like your some kind of born again virgin.
The final tampon would be the ones without applicators. Who in the sam hell dreamed these fuckers up? If you guys want to compare the sensation of sticking DRY cotton inside an environment that should remain moist, try taking a cotton swab and shoving it into your pee hole. I find it physically impossible to shove a 2-inch length of cotton rod into a moist area that has to go in about 4 inches to remain in its place. That cotton bastard will stick worse than dried snot on a sweater.
You also have scented ones now. Which I do not use because I happen to respect my crotch enough not to abuse it more than it already has been. Scented items in a genital area is a big no-no as it could cause an allergic reaction.
this article was regurgitated by -------- Gravity Drop at 10:25 AM
6 Comments:
How about those fat little fuckers you have to lubricate first?
I am the poor bastard who has to use those fat fuckers thanks to having a baby. Thats why I buy the plastic dealies because you don't have to lube them up before inserting.
And I will never envy or SHAKE the hand of a person who uses those non-applicator tampons. What a germ nightmare.
I don't like much of anything scented... unless it's going somewhere that you want people to smell.
I was going to list the tampon thing as a peeve but then I thought that I had to alot to write about it and it would be funny to blog about.
Did I start my period today??? Well I'll leave that one for the God's heh.
Yeah I have a habit of spraying the back of my knees with perfume because I love it when people smell them...!!
I bet your knees smell good..!
My knees smell so good I have to beat off midgets with a stick everyday.
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